Shut it Down.

In a strange turn of events, I’m moving to our Nation’s Capital. I was looking forward to visiting some Smithsonian museums while I was there last week, but then our Government shut down entirely. Trash piled up on the National Mall, and TSA agents started calling in sick for fear of working without guaranteed back pay. Let me speak on behalf of the American people when I say: “NEVER COME BACK TO WORK, K THX.”

Statistics show that TSA agents are only capable of stopping 5% of weapons from getting on board. If you bought birth control with a 5% success rate, that would be grounds for a massive class action lawsuit. But since this incompetence is at the Federal level, we are supposed to accept this ineptitude as the status quo. We similarly don’t expect any level of customer service at the DMV. For all the calls to abolish ICE, its interesting that rarely do I hear anyone on TV rallying against the TSA.

We spend more money for these inept agents to waste our precious two weeks of American vacation than we do on a Starbucks coffee. Look next time you buy a ticket in the fine print, its right there “9/11 Security Fee”. Somehow we’ve been tricked into thinking $6 per leg of a flight will prevent terrorism within our borders. Do you ever notice how the TSA rules seem to change day by day, airport by airport? Some laptops stay in the bag, sometimes iPads aren’t laptops. There is no rhyme or reason to this logic, it’s just an arbitrary decision made by someone wielding the power to waste everyone’s time.

Once before a flight to Denver, my wife was stopped by a TSA agent who was very angry that she was trying to sneak a cat shaped keychain onto a flight, which he had deemed was a brass knuckles type weapon (it wasn’t). He made us wait for forty minutes while he filled out some paperwork, and assured that we’d get some kind of citation in the mail. We barely made the flight, and my wife was happy to give up the keychain in exchange for our ability to leave. The vacation ended, months went by, but no citation EVER arrived. The TSA isn’t capable of catching 95% of what’s smuggled on to flights, apparently they are also too incompetent to even follow up with citations. The monumental undertaking of running this agency only amounts to, yet again, a complete waste of time.

On another flight from Nashville, one agent decided my wife was hiding something in her bra, despite no reaction from the bazillion dollar x ray machine. They proceeded to perform an eighth grade style “over the clothes” pat down, which in any workplace would be grounds for sexual harassment. They found nothing of course, and offered no apology for completely violating one’s right to not be searched unjustly.

While I feel for those being stiffed by the Government for their paycheck, I encourage you to look elsewhere for employment. Never work for free and never work against freedom.